From Watts Up With That?

By Charles Rotter

Ladies and gentlemen, no matter how often the climate doomsday cult appears to have officially reached peak absurdity, along comes another “journalist” saying: Hold my beer! No longer content with blaming hurricanes, wildfires, and bad hair days on climate change, TIME magazine has now decided that football—yes, the sport where 300-pound men slam into each other at full speed—is somehow under siege from slightly warmer weather.

Jeffrey Kluger’s article, How Climate Change Is Affecting the NFL, is the latest entry in the ongoing competition to see who can produce the most ridiculous climate alarmism. Let’s break this nonsense down, shall we?

OMG, It Was Hot in October!

Kluger kicks off his fever dream with a tale of a 98°F game between the 49ers and the Cardinals on October 6, 2024. Wow, stop the presses! It was hot in California in the fall! What next? Are we going to blame climate change for earthquakes too?

For some perspective, the highest temperature ever recorded in San Francisco in October was 102°F on October 5, 1987. So, a 98°F Day in 2024 is hardly unprecedented.

The author even notes that the 49ers changed their pants color to reflect more heat. That’s it. That’s the big climate catastrophe. Pants.

Of course, Kluger doesn’t mention that the hottest recorded NFL game was a 1978 season opener in St. Louis at 105°F, long before carbon hysteria took over the media. Nor does he mention that cold-weather games still happen every season, including the “Ice Bowl” of 1967 at −13°F or the 2016 Seahawks-Vikings playoff game at −6°F. Climate change sure works in mysterious ways.

A Whole 2.8°F Warmer! Over 54 Years!

According to Kluger, a survey by Climate Central (a group that exists solely to push climate fearmongering) found that NFL cities have warmed by an average of 2.8°F since 1970.

Let’s do some actual thinking here.

• No mention of Urban Heat Islands and metropolitan growth.
• The 1970’s was the period of the global cooling scare.
• The average daily temperature can swing 20–30°F in a single afternoon.

This is what Kluger considers an emergency? At this rate, we’ll reach Florida beach weather in Buffalo sometime around the year 2500.

And even if this warming trend were accurate, have these geniuses considered indoor stadiums, cooling technologies, or the simple fact that NFL players are, by definition, peak human athletes? I promise you; a linebacker is more worried about getting blindsided by Aaron Donald than whether the temperature is 85°F instead of 83°F.

Hot Weather Is Dangerous—Unlike Football?

Kluger gravely warns us about the risks of heat exhaustion and heat stroke. Oh, you mean the risks that football players have always faced in summer training camps?

This is the same sport where:

• Players suffer concussions, broken bones, torn ACLs, and spinal injuries regularly.
• A quarterback played an entire game with a broken jaw.
• Some guys have been knocked unconscious mid-play.

But no, the real danger is the thermometer creeping a few degrees higher. Right.

Also, he conveniently ignores the fact that cold weather is far more dangerous than heat. The most common causes of weather-related deaths in the U.S. are cold exposure and hypothermia. But since “global warming” is the villain, you won’t hear that from TIME.

More Heat Waves = More Snowstorms?

Kluger also tries to scare us with stories of a Buffalo Bills game buried under snow in December 2024.

Now, stay with me here—he claims that hotter temperatures caused more snow because the Great Lakes didn’t freeze. So let me get this straight:

1. Warmer weather makes things colder.
2. More heat leads to blizzards.
3. The Great Lakes didn’t freeze because of climate change… but they still managed to dump tons of snow.
4. POLAR VORTEX STRETCHING something, something, rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb.

You almost have to admire the mental gymnastics.

By this logic, turning up your air conditioning makes your house hotter.

NFL Stadiums Need to “Go Green” (For Some Reason)

Of course, no climate propaganda is complete without plugging “green” sports stadiums. Kluger suggests that the NFL must “adjust” to climate change, as if the league isn’t already raking in billions and handling bad weather like professionals.

Here’s an idea: if the climate warriors are so concerned, why don’t they boycott the Super Bowl? After all, it’s powered by evil fossil fuels, with fans flying in on CO₂-spewing jets, eating methane-emitting hamburgers, and cheering under carbon-intensive stadium lights.

Oh, right. They won’t, because all of this is performative nonsense.

The Real Takeaway: It’s All a Grift

Let’s be honest—this article isn’t about football. It’s about shoehorning climate change hysteria into every aspect of life. The game could be played on the surface of the Sun, and these people would still find a way to blame SUVs and gas stoves.

Meanwhile, NFL teams are doing just fine:

• Players train in state-of-the-art facilities with climate control.
• Coaches adjust for heat like they always have.
• The league makes billions, regardless of the weather.

And here’s the real kicker: the NFL is actually expanding into hotter regions. There’s a team in Las Vegas, a city that gets 120°F summers. Why? Because none of these climate scares matter in real life.

Final Score: Reality – 49, Climate Hysteria – 0

At the end of the day, the only thing heating up is the nonsense coming from mainstream media. Climate change isn’t ruining football—bad officiating and Roger Goodell are.

So, Jeffrey Kluger, thanks for the laugh. Maybe next time, try blaming climate change for Tom Brady’s retirement, the Cowboys’ annual playoff choke, or the Jets still being terrible.

That’d be more believable than this nonsense.