From Watts Up With That?

By Charles Rotter

If Ed Miliband’s promise to cut heating bills by £300 and deliver “100% clean power by 2030” were a movie, it’d be a sci-fi comedy, complete with magical wind farms and planning commissions that work as efficiently as Santa’s workshop. Unfortunately, the joke is on the UK, as this farce comes with a hefty price tag for everyday Brits. Strap in, folks, because this is where green pipe dreams meet the cold, hard wall of reality.

The NESO Report: Reality’s Not-So-Subtle Smackdown

The National Electricity System Operator (NESO) has essentially dropped a truth bomb on Miliband’s fantasy. Let’s recap the highlights:

1. No £300 Savings: At best, Miliband’s grand plan won’t save anyone a penny. Even with NESO’s so-called “Herculean effort,” costs remain the same. Best case. This isn’t a vision—it’s a mirage.
2. Infrastructure Mayhem: To even stay in the ballpark of this plan, we’d need to double the number of pylons and cables in the next five years. For context, that’s twice the infrastructure we’ve built over the past decade. Oh, and all this while communities object and supply chains choke on global shortages.
3. Deadline-Driven Disaster: Miliband’s team insists every single network project must finish on time. But let’s face it, nothing in government ever finishes on time—except maybe raising your taxes. Miss those deadlines, and we’re stuck with “constraint payments,” where wind farms literally get paid to do nothing.

Green Dreams, Green Levies

While Miliband fantasizes about a carbon-free paradise, ordinary Brits are stuck with the bill—literally. Green levies on electricity are set to rise by an extra £120 per household annually. That’s right, you’re funding this delusion, one painful payment at a time. And as the pace of wind power contracts accelerates, those levies will only go up, because why not pile more weight on the middle class?

But wait, there’s more! The entire plan hinges on gas prices hitting 100p per therm and carbon prices tripling by 2030. Right now, gas is priced at a far more modest 70p per therm, with carbon stuck at £38 per ton. Unless Miliband has a crystal ball—or a way to manipulate global energy markets—these numbers don’t pencil out.

The Offshore Wind Fiasco

Let’s talk offshore wind, the cornerstone of this green utopia. NESO insists we need to contract as much offshore capacity in two years as we did in the last six. Ambitious? Try laughable. Even if every turbine magically appeared on time, we’d still rely on gas to set prices nearly half the time. So, for all the expense and upheaval, you’re barely making a dent in “volatile gas pricing.” Brilliant.

Why This Plan Fails—Spectacularly

Here’s the harsh truth: Ed Miliband’s plan is a house of cards built on shaky assumptions. It assumes gas prices will soar (the International Energy Agency thinks the opposite). It assumes we’ll build infrastructure faster than ever before (despite worker shortages and community resistance). It assumes carbon prices will triple (without triggering a political revolt). And all of this for what? To cut gas pricing from 58% of the time to…47%. That’s not progress; that’s rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.

Conclusion: Don’t Fall for the Green Grift

Miliband’s proposal isn’t a plan—it’s an ideological fever dream dressed up as policy. It’s the kind of scheme only a true leftist could love: long on promises, short on math, and guaranteed to make your life harder. While elites sip their soy lattes and pat themselves on the back, you’re left footing the bill for their green fantasies.

The NESO report doesn’t just poke holes in Miliband’s vision—it torpedoes it. So, let’s stop pretending this plan is anything other than what it is: a colossal joke at the expense of the British public. You deserve better than this shameless grift. If Ed Miliband wants to play superhero, he should stick to Halloween costumes, not your heating bill.